Always until forever
by Thecricketsarecalling
Summary: Snape always loved another woman, yet he became a married man to forget...


"You have your mother's eyes..."

_Moments after his body was left in the darkness, a beautiful black cat strolled out of the darkness. It's tail swishing as sharp green eyes fixed of him. A painful yowl escaped it as it scampered over and gently nudged his blood stained hand. Rubbing against him, the cat cried out again before curling up and licking his fingers._

**Many years ago...**

Snape sat in the hall feeling his heart ache. Across the way Lilly and James sat together giggling and gazing into each others eyes. The time had come for everyone to part ways. Staring at her, Snape knew he had made his mistakes. It was too late now and he had lost her to Potter. Feeling defeat take over him, he felt a coldness wash through him as he stared down at his hands. Just then a timid voice came from a girl who nervously clutched her books and gazed at Snape with sea green eyes.

"Severus?"

Looking up partly annoyed, Snape saw that it was Blue Amberdust, a young witch who was in her fifth year at Hogwarts. Snape knew very little about her, only that she was an orphan that Dumbledore seemed to favor. He had seen her around once or twice and she always had this stupid gaze over those eyes of hers whenever she saw him pass by. Feeling bitter, and more than a little heartbroken, he shot her a look before dropping his eyes.

Stepping forward, looking unsure, Blue cleared her throat.

"Um...do you mind if I sit here?"

Snape didn't even bother looking up. Instead he spoke in that same deadpan voice of his.

"Shouldn't you be with the rest of your class...stop bothering me."

Swallowing hard, Blue's eyes began to tear up before she watched as Snape looked up once more across at Lilly and James at the other table. Watching him, Blue sighed before quickly turned and hurried out of the hall. The last thing she wanted was for somebody to see her cry. Almost knocking into Dumbledore on her way out, she stumbled back and dropped two of her spell books.

"Ms. Amberdust, what seems to be the matter?"

Blue quickly reached down gathering her books, trying her hardest not to let him see her cry.

"Nothing, I just feel a bit ill..."

Glancing up, Dumbledore noticed Snape sitting alone at the table, looking miserable as always. For some time now, Dumbledore was aware of Blue's feelings towards him, and knew exactly why she was being ignored. Having a rather tender spot in his heart for her, he warmly smiled and patted her shoulder, causing her to glance upward at him.

"Fret not child, for everything shall work out in the end."

Biting her lip, Blue lowered her eyes and hurried away before Dumbledore looked back at Snape and sighed.

_**Years later... **_

Snape was a broken man.

Lilly was dead.

Staring out one of the windows at Hogwarts, he watched as raindrops splattered against the window. It had only happened a week ago, yet still he felt as if his heart was being torn to shreds.

Voldemort was gone, but so weren't Lilly and James. Their son now under protection living with those muggles. The memory of holding his beloved's lifeless body in the nursery of the son he should have had with her kept playing over and over again in his mind. It wasn't fair...

Just then Dumbledore walked silently over, hands behind his back gazing out at the overcast skies.

Snape looked up, his black eyes dead.

"You wished to speak with me?"

"Yes...come..."

An hour later both Snape and Dumbledore were arguing.

"He has her eyes..."

Snape looked up from the doorway. He felt defeated. He had begged for the Potters, most of all his Lilly to be protected and now she was gone...

"Nobody must ever know."

Dumbledore sighed, sympathizing with him.

"I understand, but in time people will begin to suspect..."

"That's why I'll pretend I love someone else. Hide whatever feelings I ever had and forget about them."

"There's no forgetting your fist love..."

"Blue, I'll marry her."

Dumbledore stared at him.

"What?"

Blue was Dumbledore's assistant ever since she graduated Hogwarts. She had a keen talent in potions but really showed no interest in wanting to teach. Instead she tended to Dumbledore's office affairs since she could be trusted. Over the years she had grown into a rather beautiful woman as shy as she still was. Usually she was always standing in the background, dressed in black with her hair pinned up. She was a kind soft spoken woman who still gazed at Snape as if he was the most important man in the world.

Still, he acted as if she didn't even exist.

Almost everyone knew that ever since Blue arrived at Hogwarts, she had been head over heels in love with him. At every meeting, sports game, or party she stood in the shadows closely watching him as he looked around with those stone eyes of his.

"Are you mad with grief? Your not thinking right. How dare you use that poor girl only to mask your true feeling?! I won't allow it!"

"I can learn to love her, to care and look after her. We'll set a fine example for the students and she'll be happy. I know you've been keeping an eye out for her for some time now. She'll be happy."

Dumbledore stared at Snape before shaking his head.

"She'll never be her...you understand that don't you?"

"I do..."

With that Snape turned and left.

That morning Blue was in Dumbledore's empty office sorting through papers with her wand while Dumbledore was off tending to affairs off campus. She liked afternoons like this. It was raining and the sound of it pattering against the glass seemed almost comforting. Humming softly to herself she continued flipping through papers when a knock came to the door. Not bothering to look up, she kept her eyes on the paper mentally counting to herself.

"Come in."

Snape slowly opened the door, letting himself enter before closing it behind him. Standing up straight, with his hands held together at the front of his waist, he stared at her without speaking. Glancing sideways, strands of her fallen hair hanging down in her face, her eyes widened.

" Severus?"

Standing up straight, gasping her wand, she accidentally knocked a pile of papers off her desk. Slowly they fluttered to the floor as she stared at him in shock. In all this time they were at the school, he hadn't spoken more than a dozen words to her.

"Blue...do you have a moment."

Blue looked extremely taken off guard, never having heard him speak her name before.

"Um..."

Before she could answer Snape silently walked over and bent down picking up the fallen papers. Flushing madly. Blue got down on her knees herself to pick some of them up as well. At the same exact moment both reached for the same papers before they brushed hands. Glancing up at the same exact time, they locked eyes before Snape stared at her.

"You...have lovely eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Blue froze, almost ready for this to be some sort of trick. For Snape to shout or laugh in her face. Instead he simply stared at her with that dark eyes and that pale face that showed absolutely no emotion or expression. Instead he just stared at her, almost as if he was bored.

Nervously, Blue cleared her throat before a high embarrassed color rose highly in her cheeks as she dropped her eyes.

"No."

"Well they are."

Snape seemed to be forcing these words out. After a moment, he reached out touching her hand. Lifting her eyes, Blue stared at him slightly confused and shocked. Taking a deep breath, Snape stared at her.

"I was...wondering if you would like to accompany me for tea this afternoon."

Blue blinked, almost as if she was being awoken from a dream.

"What?"

"Tea, at my quarters. Say in an hour?"

Blue looked blown away as she took a moment before slowly nodding, almost as if she was in a trance.

"Yes...of course Severus."

Together they rose, almost at the same exact time, still staring at each other. Slowly, Snape handed Blue her extra papers, still not taking his eyes off her. Without saying another word, he simply turned and walked away, boots clicking before closing the door behind him. Left alone, Blue looked completely stunned. Her heart pounded deeply inside her as she let out a deep breath and held onto the edge of the desk.

Ever since she first came to school and laid eyes on Severus, something about him made her fall in love with him. An orphan, and found nearly beaten alive in a back alley of the common world, it was Dumbledore who rescued her and discovered her true gift. She had little to no memory of where she came from, or if she had any family. All she remembered as a bunch of men surrounding her as it was raining and each taking turns kicking her down into the slimy pavement. Half alive with her eyes swollen shut, she was taken by Dumbledore and there he urged her to use a power he claimed was within her to heal herself. Within moments she could see and breath.

She had made her entire life studying hard and being in debt to Dumbledore, she proved herself to be a very promising witch. She had few friends, but the faculty all were kind to her. She was meek and shy, but had a kind heart. She was in hufflepuff, and paid close attention to her studies. Over the years she developed into a lovely young woman, but sadly always standing in the shadows resulted in her often being overlooked.

Until now.

Licking her lips, her throat suddenly felt dry. Straightening out her back, she couldn't help but feel a smile form as she looked around. Was she dreaming?

Severus had been very upset ever since the dark lord had fallen. She had known he knew Lilly Potter back when they were schoolmates, but she had always suspected James and him hated each other. She knew he had taken their deaths hard even though hardly anyone noticed. Severus was a vast ocean of emptiness. He rarely showed any emotion and always seemed so upset.

Still, he passionate about what he did, and was one of the best in the school. Or at least, that's what Blue thought. All these years, watching him from afar, she had just wanted a simply hello.

Now...

She hoped it wasn't a trick, even though Severus never struck her as the joking type. She wondered what he wanted?

Setting the papers aside, she quickly finished her filing with a few simple flicks of her wand before glancing up at the large grandfather clock. She knew Dumbledore would allow her to take the remainder of the evening off. Setting her things aside, she briskly walked out of the office, never feeling so happy before in her entire life.

**Two hours later.**

Snape snapped his eyes shut as he bucked his head up, reaching down and grasping one of Blue's hands. Squeezing it, he held his breath for a second before biting his bottom lip and completely loosing control. Within just a few seconds, Snape made a low moan in the back of his throat before lowering his head. Blue laid back, her dress left open and her other garments torn and dis-guarded to the floor. Stunned, she laid there staring up at him as his face become flushed and he finished.

He hadn't been gentle, in fact he had taken her in a complete frenzy only fifteen or so minutes after she first arrived. Instead of offering tea he had scotch, and the two briefly talked. Blue had worn a special perfume, nervously holding her glass as Snape looked as if his thoughts were somewhere else. He made little conversation, before walking towards her and firmly grasping her face and kissing her right on the lips. Her eyes bugging out, she nearly dropped her glass.

Before she knew it, here she was, laying on his desk, exposed with him sweating and gasping for breath between her two spread legs. His dark long hair hung in his face before he laid himself partly down against her, his weight crushing her breasts. He had been standing when he took her, his eyes focused, and serious. He had only kissed her that one time, and the rest he was in control as she simply laid there, too stunned and surprised to talk.

It had hurt, in fact it hurt more than she thought it would. She was tempted to tell him it was her first time, but in the end she stayed silent as he took her. There had been a small faint mixture of pleasure, and she laid there unable to even grasp what was happening. His dressing gown was only opened partly, and sweat rolled down his face as he laid there, catching his breath against her. Slowly, he lifted his head off her breast and stared up at her.

"Are you all right?"

Blue blinked, hoping she didn't sound too stupid when she finally found the right words. Before she could talk, Snape stared at her, his face just an inch or so away from hers. Still inside of her, he continued to hold her hand. His much larger fingers grasping her tiny thin ones.

"It was...my first time. I hope I wasn't too rough."

Blue blinked.

"What?...This was...your first time?"

"Yes...was it yours?"

He asked yet again in the same deadpan flat voice. Staring up, Blue took a second before nodding, finding herself unable to look him in the eye.

"Yes...it was."

"Would you like to try it again?"

Blue raised an eyebrow.

"Again?"

Snape stood up straight, staring down at her. Feeling herself become very overwhelmed, she simply laid back. Believing this may be a dream, she knew she wanted to take full advantage before she woke up.

**Later...**

Before night fall, they had moved to Snape's bed. Both laying together underneath the dark sheets, Blue laid there staring at the canopy as Snape stared at her, hiked up on his elbow. Now completely undressed, he looked slightly different, almost more human now. His hair hung down as he stared at her, his face deep in thought by the flickering candle light.

Blue was exhausted, The two of them had found a new meaning to discovering and getting to know each other that afternoon. Sore, and very tired she laid there staring at him. She so badly wanted to talk to him, to learn more about his life. Instead he stayed silent, staring down.

"Marry me."

Blue stared up.

"What?"

"Marry me tomorrow."

Blue slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard, the sheet falling from her breast. Tilting her head to the side, she took a deep breath.

"Marry you...Severus..."

"You love me don't you?"

Blue felt her heart skip. Taking a second she slowly pulled the sheet back up to cover herself before taking a second.

"Um...I..."

"I've known for years...I feel we could work well. We both are respected here at Hogwarts, we have promising futures, I think we could make a fine pair together. We could get married by Dumbledore in private in the morning."

Blue held her head and nervously laughed.

"Severus, you're going too fast...I mean..."

"Do you love me?"

He asked, slowly and seriously. Lifting her eyes Blue stared at him, almost in a trance yet again.

"You know I do..."

"Then say you'll be my wife."

Blue looked at him before sighing.

"Do you even like me? I mean after all these years..."

That's when Snape did something Blue never expected. Reaching down, he gently took her hand and kissed it. Staring across at her, Snape suddenly looked like a different man. A sad flickering faint glimmer of sadness showed in his eyes before Blue found herself say one simple word.

"Yes."


End file.
